What Makes a Mother?

Family & Friends - Please try to understand.

If you have never been through the loss of a child you are not going to understand what I am feeling. My family understands in a different way because on that day they lost a piece of their family as well. My friends TRY to understand. Either they do or don't. 

Please understand that I am going to distance myself from a lot of you. There are many reason for me doing this. Either I don't think that you get what I am feeling & I myself would rather not explain. When I try to explain I tend to become very emotional. Emotions are not something I like to express in public. And I do not like to express them to people I do not think will understand. So, if I distance myself from you please just give me my own space & time.

Another thing that you need to understand is that I love to talk about my son. Please talk about him to me. I want to know that I am not the only one that remembers him. He will always be our baby. Even though you can't see him doesn't mean you should forget him. Lets keep his memory going!

These days there are a lot of pregnant people. And I am so very happy for all of you. But, please know that things you say [ even if they aren't towards me ] hurt my feelings. So, please just watch what you say. Because, this is still fresh. If you think what you say is going to hurt my feelings please do not say it [ at least to me. ]

Another thing - 

I love being around babies. But, right now I can only be around baby girls. Babies help me deal with what has happened to Jameson. But, if I see a baby boy it just reminds me that I can't have Jameson here with me. It could also be that Jameson is trying to tell me that Codey & I are going to have a baby girl even if I don't like that idea, lol. 

If I seem bitter please understand that I'm not trying to be. I am still trying to get use to all this. Jameson hasn't been in Heaven that long. So, getting use to the fact that he isn't here is very hard. It's never going to be easy. Just will get better as every day goes on.

Please just try & understand what Codey & I are going through. 

The loss of a child is something hard to understand. And we know not everyone is going to understand our pain. The only way you would ever be able to understand is if you went through it. And it is something we would NEVER wish upon anyone. <3

The Day Our Lives Changed

November 1, 2012 4:10 p.m.

A day that my life would change forever. I was going to become a Mommy. But, not just your ordinary Mommy. I was going to become an Angel Mommy. To my sweet Angel Baby Jameson that was born in to the arms of Angels. This is something I never thought I'd have to deal with. I never thought my sweet Jameson would ever be born sleeping. This day changed our lives forever. We cried because we missed him. Then we talked about how he is up there with his Great Grandparents and other family members. We knew that he would be taken care of. Still, loosing a child is one of the worst feelings in the world. So, no matter how we tried to be positive we couldn't. Spent a lot of late nights crying and asking why. I've learned now that it is alright to cry. But, to allow myself so much time. Jameson, would still want his Mommy & Daddy to live. Not to just stop life all together because it didn't go as planned. So, we are still taking it day by day. & even hour by hour. We are doing what we have to do to make ourselves comfortable. So, if that means crying.. Then we cry. Or hiding from the world for awhile we will hide. We know that one day God will bless us with another beautiful baby. But, Jameson was just "Too Beautiful for Earth." We all can't wait to see you again, Angel Baby. <3