Grandma.

Dear sweet baby boy,
You recently had a visitor that came to stay with you til' Mommy & Daddy can! She is your Great Grandma. A very beautiful lady! With a very big heart. Wish that Mommy was able to know her more and spend time with her. But, I know that she was happy to see you. She loved all her grandbabies! Everyone was sad to see her go. But, we know that she is in a better place. And that she is not hurting anymore. And she is there with a beautiful angel baby! She has a little bit of Daddy and Grandpa Ron there with her just because you are there. I hope that you are having a blast up there. And that she is spoiling you. And holding you for Mommy and Daddy!
Tell Grandma that we miss her already! I hope that you are having a wonderful time sweet baby.

Miss you. Love always,
Mommy. <3

VOTE FOR JAMESON AND MOMMY.

If I can reach out to every one and tell them about Jameson. I can slowly but surely break the silence on pregnancy and infant loss. And keep the memory of my sweet baby alive. <3 

It's been awhile.

It has been awhile since I felt your touch. It's been awhile since I've heard your heart beat. It's been awhile since I've seen you in my dreams. It's been awhile since Mommy could just look down and see you moving around. It's been awhile... 

I can't believe six months have passed. I can't believe you would have been six months already. I can't believe it's been six months that Mommy & Daddy have been on this long road... Where does it end? It never does. It just changes. It has turns and stops. Sometimes there is a jam along the way and you can't move for awhile. But, you end up getting where you are going. You always make sure that we get where we are going little man. Always here for your Mommy and Daddy. <3

As I look around and think how different life would have been if you would of stayed with us instead of going to Heaven.. Now days you'd probably be crawling into all of your Daddy's games. Mommy would be having to chase you around and pick up all of it after you pulled it out. You'd be a handful! But, I'd give anything to pick up after you one time. And deal with the hectic situation instead of not having you at all.BUT, we don't always get what we want do we baby boy. But, I know you are in good hands. You're family in Heaven is taking good care of you I am sure. : ) 

You know baby boy I was at church the other day with the family.. And Pastor Brad said something that hit me hard. He said that Jesus cries the day babies are born into the world. And us parents rejoice. And the day you die Jesus is rejoicing and all of us on either are crying because we don't want you to go. Well, Jesus must have not wanted to let go of you that day. You must have been to special! That day Jesus did not have to cry. He was able to rejoice! Of course all of us on earth had lots of tears in our eyes! And some days we still do. But, we know that one day we will see you again. And that day will be wonderful. <3 

Til' then we will have to meet you in our dreams. 

As your Uncle Nolan would said, "We love you, Jamie." 

Sweet dreams baby boy. Sending you hugs and kisses on Angel wings. <3 

Holidays.

One of the biggest triggers of a grieving parent is holidays. It is a reminder that your child is not here with you. You are not able to buy your baby their first Christmas gift or Easter basket. And it just makes you go through what happened the day that your child passed.

I have went through my son's first major holiday's without him. Each one is hard. They never get easier. You are just able to tolerate it. You wish that you were able to change what has happened or wish it was all just a bad dream. And the day is really just a daze. You put on a smile so no one can see the pain. But, you do all that you can to make it through the day.

I am able to make it through the day because of my husband and family. And the hope and faith of Jesus Christ. Without them I would not be able to make it. I would have not been able to make it this far. But, I have and I continue to do so. I will live for my son so that everyone will remember him as long as I live.

Saying Goodbye.

Saying goodbye was nothing we ever wanted to do! We wanted to welcome you. But, you were taken away too soon. But, we will always remember you. I love you, Jameson Matthew Williams. <3 

March 2012

Little did I know that this time last year that our lives were about to change forever. We were going to become parents. This was something that I had wanted for such a long time. My husband kept telling me that it will happen when it was suppose to happen. He said that I needed to stop thinking about it and just let it happen. So, that's what I did! And next thing you know God blessed us with the greatest blessing. 

Today while I was taking a nap my sweet Angel came to visit his Mommy. This is only the second dream I've had of Jameson so far. I find myself waking up every single time asking if it was real... Wondering if my dream is reality and I was just having a nightmare for the past four months. And when I realize it was just a dream... I try to close my eyes and go back. Just to hold him for a little longer.

What is crazy about all of this is that last year on this very day... My son had just started growing inside of my belly. So, on this very day he came to me in my dream.. As hard as it is to only be able to see my son in my dreams.. I am very glad that he comes just for a little while to let his Mommy hold him. 

Baby boy, I love and miss you so very much. I hope to see you soon in my dreams. Can't wait to hold you and tell you how much I've missed you. Til' then go tell Grandpa Oba and everyone else that I miss them very much. And thank you for keeping you company til' Mommy & Daddy are able to be there with you again. 

Holidays Without You.

Posted this on my personal facebook page. 

Holidays are so very emotional for this lady. They shouldn't be. But, they are. They remind me of Jameson so very much. Was looking forward to sharing all these special days with our baby boy. Instead he is spending them with all his Grandparents & other family that is up in Heaven with him. Sending my love to you on Angel wings baby boy. Happy first Valentine's Day. ♥

Here are a couple sweet graphics that a wonderful lady made for Jameson.