Holidays.

One of the biggest triggers of a grieving parent is holidays. It is a reminder that your child is not here with you. You are not able to buy your baby their first Christmas gift or Easter basket. And it just makes you go through what happened the day that your child passed.

I have went through my son's first major holiday's without him. Each one is hard. They never get easier. You are just able to tolerate it. You wish that you were able to change what has happened or wish it was all just a bad dream. And the day is really just a daze. You put on a smile so no one can see the pain. But, you do all that you can to make it through the day.

I am able to make it through the day because of my husband and family. And the hope and faith of Jesus Christ. Without them I would not be able to make it. I would have not been able to make it this far. But, I have and I continue to do so. I will live for my son so that everyone will remember him as long as I live.

Saying Goodbye.

Saying goodbye was nothing we ever wanted to do! We wanted to welcome you. But, you were taken away too soon. But, we will always remember you. I love you, Jameson Matthew Williams. <3 

March 2012

Little did I know that this time last year that our lives were about to change forever. We were going to become parents. This was something that I had wanted for such a long time. My husband kept telling me that it will happen when it was suppose to happen. He said that I needed to stop thinking about it and just let it happen. So, that's what I did! And next thing you know God blessed us with the greatest blessing. 

Today while I was taking a nap my sweet Angel came to visit his Mommy. This is only the second dream I've had of Jameson so far. I find myself waking up every single time asking if it was real... Wondering if my dream is reality and I was just having a nightmare for the past four months. And when I realize it was just a dream... I try to close my eyes and go back. Just to hold him for a little longer.

What is crazy about all of this is that last year on this very day... My son had just started growing inside of my belly. So, on this very day he came to me in my dream.. As hard as it is to only be able to see my son in my dreams.. I am very glad that he comes just for a little while to let his Mommy hold him. 

Baby boy, I love and miss you so very much. I hope to see you soon in my dreams. Can't wait to hold you and tell you how much I've missed you. Til' then go tell Grandpa Oba and everyone else that I miss them very much. And thank you for keeping you company til' Mommy & Daddy are able to be there with you again.